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Of course, sometimes these feelings stem from an unhealthy relationship or untrustworthy treatment by another.

Complaining to others about your partner but not letting your partner know.Fantasizing about other people, past relationships or leaving the relationship.Experiencing far more negative than positive interactions.Envisioning worst-case scenarios for the relationship.Arguing more easily and finding it more difficult to talk calmly.Other signs that your relationship may be stalemated by unaddressed attachment wounds are if you find yourself increasingly: Researcher John Gottman has identified four signs that a relationship is in trouble (contempt, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness) which can happen because of unaddressed attachment wounds. Sometimes we dont even recognize how much we are shaken until much later. These questions can shake our confidence in our relationship and in our partners.

Nobody is perfect, nobody is a mind-reader, and sometimes we simply fail to recognize our partners needs and vulnerabilities.When such a failure of attunement happens at a crucial moment, such as when we feel in crisis or particularly vulnerable, it can cause an attachment wound or unconsciously retrigger earlier attachment wounds.įor example, if we are going through a health crisis and our partner throws himself into his work, we may wonder: Does he really love me? Can I count on him to be there for me in the future? Are we really a team? Does he have my back? It is virtually impossible to love for any period of time without eventually feeling let down by your partner. In relationships that have fallen into a tit-for-tat pattern or bunker mentality, it is essential to revisit attachment wounds so they can be healed.